Realization
by theKaitinator
Summary: [Post Gum Drops] Sara comes to realize many things after Nick finds Cassie. [NS] [Oneshot]


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything...just the plot line.

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"She's alive, Sara."

The words hit me like a ton of bricks when Nick called me. Cassie McBride is actually alive. A part of me wished she would be alive; wanting Nick to be right that there was some hope that she would still be alive. But a part of me also wished that she had died, that she would be with her family and not alone in the world. It's horrible, but at least she wouldn't suffer as much as she will now.

I began to drive to the Desert Palms hospital, thinking about this whole ordeal. Nick had been really attached to the little girl early on in the case and slipped deeper and deeper into it with each passing moment. I was worried that he'd slip too deep, so I tried to tell him as nicely and positively as possible not to get his hopes up too high since I knew the chances of finding Cassie alive were slim.

"You found me," was his reply.

I realized then how hard this case had been for Nick and why he was so attached to it. Cassie's disappearance was a lot like Nick's and Nick knew how it felt. The only difference between the two was Cassie didn't have any of her family and friends helping to find her, which probably motivated Nick to think that it was all up to him to find her and find her alive.

Ever since Nick was buried alive he's changed. He acts like the same Nick, but on the inside he's further away, constantly lost in his own thoughts. Now and then I'd think back to that horrible time and think how I can't possibly imagine how it must have been for Nick, trapped in a box underground. I know it was really hard for him, but it was just as hard for me. It took everything in me not to lose it and just break down and cry when I watched him on the web cam or came to a dead end while analyzing evidence because I knew there was nothing I could do to help him. I knew that if we hadn't found Nick and that if he had died, I would have died too. I realized then how much Nick meant to me and how blind I had been to understand my own feelings. I love Nick. I always have, I always would; and nothing could change that.

As I pulled into a parking space at the hospital, I felt a tear run down my cheek. I quickly wiped my eyes, not wanting to look vulnerable in front of Nick. I gave myself a quick look in the rearview mirror to make sure my eyes weren't red and got out of my truck, making my way to the main doors of Desert Palms.

I got the information for which room Cassie was in and found it easily. Nick was sitting on a chair beside the bed in which Cassie lay, who was handing Nick a card. Not wanting to intrude, I leaned against the doorframe and watched as Nick read the card. I could just make out what Cassie wrote. On the cover was _Thank you for saving me_ and when Nick opened the card it read _From: Cassie; To: the good guy who got rid of the bad guys_.

"You're welcome sweetie," said Nick, trying to control the emotion in his voice.

I could tell he was trying to fight back the tears of gratitude caused by Cassie's touching card. Cassie wrote something on a pad of paper and when she showed it to Nick, I made out: _Where's my family?_

Nick sighed and said, "They're here in Vegas."

I knew it wasn't the most convincing lie, but I was thankful that Nick thought quickly. Apparently Cassie wasn't too convinced either. She wrote on the pad again and showed it to Nick. _I'm ten years old. Don't baby me._

I cringed inside. Why was Nick the one who always had to experience the tougher things in life? I wished I could have traded places with him, but before I found the courage to go in, he answered, trying even harder not to break down in front of Cassie, "They're in the coroner's office."

Cassie didn't seem to take the news too hard. It was if somehow she knew that they were dead, but wanted to hear someone confirm her thoughts. I realized then how strong she actually was. If I was her, I would have broke down, thrown something, done anything different then the way she accepted it. I admired her for that.

Nick was telling Cassie to tell him her point of view when Mark, Peter and Luke committed their horrible crime. Cassie agreed to tell him, but instead of writing it down on the pad, she began to speak. "They came to my house…. They had a fight…. They couldn't find what they were looking for…." Her voice was raspy because of her trachea was cut by Luke when he attempted to cut her throat. It makes me angry every time I think about the case. How a bunch of kids did this to Cassie and her family just because they wanted marijuana. It kills me that all of this was so easily preventable and that Cassie could have been safe with her family now.

As I listen to her tell Nick what happened, I found myself having a harder time controlling my emotions. A tear began to run down my cheek and I didn't even bother to try and stop it. By the time Cassie finished her statement, tears were streaked across my face.

"Are you okay, miss?"

I turned, startled, to see a nurse standing beside me with a concerned expression on her face.

"Yeah," I said as I quickly wiped the stray tears off my face. The nurse didn't appear to be too convinced with my answer, so I smiled at her and said, "I'm fine."

The nurse smiled and nodded, knowing that I wouldn't say anything different and entered Cassie's room. I watched her as made her way to check on Cassie and Nick got up to leave, but not before promising Cassie that he would visit her again.

Nick noticed me standing there then. His eyes were red from holding back the tears threatening to fall when he was listening to Cassie's statement. He made his way over to me with a small smile on his face.

"Hey," he said smiling sheepishly.

"Hey yourself," I replied with a small smile.

We stood silently for about a minute, just staring at each other, when suddenly Nick pulled me into a hug. Before I could ask, he said, "Thanks for coming here."

"No problem," I said as I returned the hug.

I don't know what triggered it, but I just broke down. I don't know how long Nick held me as I cried, but all I can really remember was how good it felt to have his strong arms around me, protecting me from all the things that were causing everyone grief. When we finally pulled apart, I saw that Nick had been silently crying as well. We stared at each other again, lost in each other's eyes, when my stomach decided to ruin the moment and protest its hunger. We both laughed embarrassed.

"You want to get something to eat?" asked Nick.

"I think I might have to take you up on that offer," I replied.

We made our way out of Desert Palms into the parking lot in silence. We had a lot of thoughts running through our minds and they kept us from speaking. We decided to take my truck to my apartment and then Nick would take us both somewhere to eat. About ten minutes later, we arrived at my apartment. I parked in my usual spot and got into Nick's truck and went on our way.

During our silent drive, my thoughts drifted towards Nick. He's the nicest person I know. He does favors for everyone, he helps others with their cases even though it's not his own, and he's a great friend. The only thing I don't understand is why all the bad things happen to him. About a month after I first met him, he had a gun pointed to his face, then about a year later he had a stalker and then only a few months ago he was buried alive. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of bad experiences on this job, but Nick's had been a lot worse then mine. It kills me that out of all the people in the world, Nick's the last person who deserves all the trouble he's been through over the years. I was so lost in my thoughts that I barely noticed that we had arrived.

Nick decided to go to a family owned restaurant in a more civilized and quieter area of Las Vegas. I had eaten there a couple of times before with other co-workers and thought the food was really good.

We ate our meals in silence as well. Not wanting to really bring up the case and speak our thoughts about it, knowing it would be upsetting for the both of us. I was stuffed when I finished, the food was just too good not to finish. When the waiter came with the bill, I went to grab my wallet when Nick said, "Don't be thick, Sar," and paid before I had the chance.

"Nick."

"Don't worry about it. It's on me."

As we drove back to my apartment, we sat listening to the radio that Nick had ditched his normal country station for a pop/rock one, as he knew I wasn't a big fan of country, which was playing _Hands Down_ by Dashboard Confessional, one of my favourite songs.

_My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me_

_So won't you kill me, so I die happy_

_My heart is yours to fill or burst_

_To break or bury, or wear as jewelry_

_Whichever you prefer_

"Again, I stand by what I said the first time," said Nick startling me, "You're a really good singer."

I felt myself going red. I must have been singing out loud without realizing it, which I had been catching myself doing a lot lately.

"And _I_ stand by what I said the first time, if you like nails on a chalkboard," I replied as we pulled into my apartment complex.

Nick sighed and replied, "Why do you do that so much, Sar?"

"Do what?" I asked confused.

"Constantly put yourself down," he said.

"Because it's the truth?" I didn't even sound convincing to myself.

"It's not true, Sara," said Nick, "First, of all your voice is amazing; second, you're really smart and intelligent; third, you're beautiful…do I really need to go on?"

I stared at him. Did he really just say all that? Has all that I've been wishing for all this time about to come true?

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked scared for what he was going to say.

"Do you really not know?" he asked.

"Honestly, I don't know if what I'm thinking right now is true or not," I said.

Nick nodded and began, "Ever since I was buried alive, I noticed I took a lot of things for granted. Friendships, family, love…. And I realized after you guys rescued me that there's so many things I didn't get to tell everyone, especially you and how I felt about you."

I felt like I couldn't breathe and that I was dreaming. This couldn't be real.

"And I can't hide it any longer, Sar. The truth is I love you, ever since I met you and I've been blind not to notice it before. I understand if you don't feel the same way, but I can't hold it in any longer."

I sat there, feeling as if I had been struck by lightning. Nick loved _me_. I couldn't believe that this was actually happening. I tried to say that I felt the same way, but nothing came out. So I did the only thing I could do, I kissed him, letting him know I felt exactly the way he did.

After we pulled apart, I finally managed to speak, "I love you too, Nick."

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**A/N** : Hope you enjoyed it. :) 


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